C.O.D. 3

I'm almost hooked on Group Hug. Not quite, but almost -- I kinda like PostSecret better, but it's still fun to see what people write. I'm going to not blockquote them, so they look slightly less assy when laid out in this template...

I just saw the most beautiful picture of my friend and her boyfriend, who is much younger than she, and I got so jealous that I almost cried, and I have not cried in months, not since before my own boyfriend, who I loved, found out I cheated on him and left me. I just said all these horrible things about her in my mind about how she's annoying and fat and insensitive and I was so incredibly jealous that she gets to be in love and I don't anymore. Because I ruined what I had and she is irritating beyond belief and she just for some reason gets the willpower not to cheat on the person she loves. And they really love each other. And I really hate her for getting that when I didn't and I do not care that it's my own fault.

I guess I'm not really her friend.

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i have a hard time saying "no" to ppl and it has cost me...alot... ive lost countless girlfriends and many friends all because i feel the need to make every1 happy. i realize i cant make every1 happy all the time but i honestly try. but the more i try to make ppl happy the more ppl i end up hurting. and honestly i've hurt myself the most, i feel very empty and cold but everyday i wear a fake smile and sacrafice myself in the name of humor, or simply to see a true smile on someone elses face. it is in those few moments that i actualy feel less empty but it is only a faint flicker of warmth in a cold empty shell of a man. as much as i want to change and be able to say "no" and maby even build a relationship with a person and know that i wont end up hurting them, i know that i cant my mind/body wont allow me to. i am a whore 4 others happyness

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i got handcuffed last night for "profanity in public" and misconduct. all i yelled at the cop was "go home and feed your kids", but it was over the sound of music and other people talking, so i don't know how he sorted me from the rest. later he said that he heard me saying "f the police" or some crap like that, but i wouldn't talk to them. then he drove me about 6 miles into another part of the beach area and dropped me off without my wallet, but he didn't find my cell phone when he searched me. they took off the cuffs, wrote me the ticket and left. i called my roomate who now calls me "Typhoon" since they dropped me off near typhoon saloon, and he picked me up. i just needed to vent, because i'm tired of dick cops like the one i met last night. i hope no one ever has to deal with that. thanks grouphug!