C.O.D. 9

Group Hug. More like Group Rugby Scrum!

man, i really hate her. she is such a self-righteous prick who think she's better than everyone - and you know what? she admits that she thinks she's better than everyone! she talks about people behind their back publically. like she writes about them in her blog and knows that they read it, and expects them not to know that she's writing about them. we're not that retarded, dear.

other than having poor character, she was the main reason that my boyfriend and i broke up. i mean, i can't blame her completely. you see, she was my best friend. i introduced her to my boyfriend and i had no idea that they'd become such good friends. soon i found myself having to compete with her for his attention. they're always together, even if they're just 'friends.'

so no matter how many times he says there's nothing between them, i can't believe that. why doesn't he pay attention to me? what happened to loving me forever until the world ended? and no matter how many times i tried to explain why i was crying, he would just get frustrated and think i was overreacting.

so i dumped him, and now i'm single.

...so... now what?

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I've always wanted to confess something in my life, but I can't. That is why I hate myself, a bit, and think that I am one of the stupidest people in the world; on par with Albert Einstein for inventing the A-bomb. So, although this may be an oxymoron...I am going to confess that I am afraid to confess. It may not make sense, and I'm not even sure it's an oxymoron, I'm no fucking English teacher. But seriously, just typing this is making me nervous as hell, it may not be a confession of something overly personal (imagine how I'd be if it was...), but I still feel that giant hammer banging on my head as this useless-almost-not-really-even-a-confession confession is being typed. God, why can't I confess anything?

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I've had this huge crush on this guy allll semester. And hes so mixed and confusing that i figure, that if hes sending mixed signals, i shouldn tbe interested becasue it means hes not. And then he gives me somthing to hang on to and i hate this cycle!!! I would just ask him out already but i think thats the guys job, and if hes not asking me out, he doesn't like me, right? alot of guys are telling me just to do it, because they think hes shy. In highschool i was really invalidated and made fun of for asking a guy to a dance, and rumors behind my back and then i felt like he felt like he HAD to go with me, so now im deathly afraid of taking the responsibility of starting the relationship. I'm afraid of being annoying. URGH if only he would ask me out. I would love that. that would make my freaking day. Untill then i can just be shy and in silence and suffer for it. ADVICE: guys, if you like a girl, ask her out. if not DONT FLIRT OR SEND MIXED SIGNALS!IT DRIVES US CRAZY! its really not fair.....