Last Meme for 2006

Thanks to Vesper (of course!), my last meme for 2006...

Do you own a gun? Yes.

What do you think of hot dogs? I try not to; I almost like'em, but usually avoid'em. I like brats better, but avoid those, too.

What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water.

Can you do push-ups? Yes, but they suck.

What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I don't have one.

What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? I don't usually have to lure; gals either like me or they don't. They probably like my puppydog smile or my sense of humor or my wit.

Middle name? Tyler.

Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:

1. Wow, Vesper's middle name is "Michelle."
2. Gosh, I feel like I could puke.
3. Why am I sweating?

Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:

1. water
2. beer
3. V8 Juice Fusion (Strawberry and Banana)

What time did you wake up today? 6:30 a.m.

Current hate? I can't think of one; I'm a lover, not a hater.

Favorite place to be? Home with my little ones.

Least favorite place to be? My job.

Where would you like to go? Europe, for like a year.

Do you own slippers? No, but I could use some titanium ones, b/c I stub my toes all the time.

What shirt are you wearing? White t-shirt.

Do you burn or tan? I burn, and fast.

Favorite color(s)? Blue.

Would you be a pirate? Yeah, if I could bathe once in awhile.

What is your favorite holiday? Halloween.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever comes to mind; I usually hum, instead of singing.

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Bigfoot.

What’s in your pockets right now? My jammy pants pockets are empty.

Last thing that made you laugh? Something on VH1's "I Love the 80s."

Best bed sheets as a child? I never had special bed sheets; I just always liked how cool they were when I first got in'em.

Worst injury you’ve ever had? Injury? As in something inflicted on me? Broken heart, I suppose; I'm generally pretty tough, and haven't been badly hurt. If I had to pin it down to something physical, it would be the rollerblading accident I had this year. I really scraped the hell out of my left calf. I still have a scar from it, from my ankle to my knee. Probably have that scar the rest of my life.

Are your parents still together? My folks divorced when I was 5. My mom remarried, and is still married to my stepdad. My real dad cycled through some more wives before he settled on his last one.

Do you wish on shooting stars? I always forget to.

What is your favorite book(s)? Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man always blows me away, languagewise. I love Huck Finn.

What is your favorite candy? Butterscotches are nice, but I almost never have'em.

How is the weather outside right now? It was cool and rainy all day. It's cool and dark outside, now, but appears to not be raining.

What was your first thought this morning when you woke up? "What time is it? 6:30? Shit, I slept in late!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year (early, I know, but so it goes).

Let's hope for the best in 2007. A better year for everybody, everywhere!

Pretty Face

One of my longest boyhood crushes was on Audrey Hepburn. Maybe I still have a crush on her, come to think of it. *sigh*

Well, alright, then

I bit the betabullet and upgraded the bloggie, poppets! Behold the new Asterisqué!

So, this morning (at work, of course), I revised my resumé and sent it out, hopeful to get some better jobbage in the next three months. We'll see. Fingers crossed.

Hmm

I'm very, very bored right now. At work.

And Blogger keeps strong-arming me on the whole Betablog thing. Do I really want to go all Beta, or what? Or should I just nuke this blog? Or simply keep puttering on at non-Beta level until they shut me down? Decisions, decisions.

Sleepy Spudgy

This is dangerously cute...

Spudgy

Googlism

This is something cool from Vesper (of course). Just type your name in there and see what comes up...

Googlism!

sike is using which is why sike doesn't have a sheath
sike is a powerful tool for finding
sike is also presently playing in the rdsl with the webster americans
sike is one of the new wave of audio players which will collect
sike is spelled correctly
sike is/has
sike is still working very hard on his production skills
sike is not spelled psyched
sike is continuing work on beta 2
sike is working on a new airstrike map for the winter campaign
sike is alittle sorrel girl
sike is reached by following the boundary wall on the left hand side of the road for approx 300m
sike is a stream in
sike is alrite im hang out with my momma she always there me >
sike is kooo
sike is a college sophomore
sike is the next gill north of aygill
sike is in the five
sike is always used when followed by a word without the article before it
sike is a small hamlet
sike is so cute just like u
sike is kick ass & any one who say's otherwize can kiss my ass & if i had one suck my dick
sike is unwell
sike is myn freondinne
sike is nyerhet
sike is a one
sike is infectyd
sike is sitting at the kitchen table reading his instruction sheets for his homework assignment; and the aunt is
sike is a long shakehole opening into newby moss pot
sike is enough to justify the bonus
sike is the vallum
sike is een en
sike is nespavanjem
sike is having a birthday
sike is having a > birthday
sike is ranked 76 and has played for 1h55m in 14 days real name
sike is certainly displays a forceful talent and is definately one to listen out for when you're out and about
sike is in spec

Fantastic Four

4 Jobs I’ve had
. Food handler
. Stock photo library worker
. Manuscript editor
. Production editor

4 movies I could watch over and over
. Brazil
. Anything by Stanley Kubrick
. Any of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movies
. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

4 places I’ve lived in
. Youngstown, OH
. Oxford, OH
. Michigan City, IN
. Chicago, IL

4 places I’ve vacationed
. New Orleans
. Seattle
. Savannah
. Fort Walton Beach

4 websites I visit daily
. Salon
. eBay
. New York Times online
. SLATE

4 of my favourite dishes
. Spaghetti alla puttanesca
. Pizza bianca
. Calamari
. Mushroom risotto

4 places I would rather be
. Charleston
. Seaside
. Portland (Oregon)
. New York

4 people I am tagging
. Vesper
. Amy
. Boho
. Any lurkers on the blog.

50 Things About Me

Taken from Romina, b/c I liked it.

1. I laugh at almost anything, starting with myself.
2. I haven't read a book in awhile; I'm too busy writing to read!
3. I hate myself.
4. I'm a good cook.
5. I hate waiting in lines; drives me bonkers!
6. I have two old cats, Newt and Jinx, boy and girl, white and tiger-striped.
7. I probably work only half the time I'm on the job (shhhh).
8. I used to be both a day and a night person; now I'm just a morning person.
9. I used to dream of retiring at 35; now I'm 37. Sigh.
10. I have only drunk coffee twice in my life. Don't like the stuff, don't need it.
11. I can go to sleep instantly and wake up instantly.
12. But I almost never nap; napping leaves me groggy and confused.
13. I love the sound of flanger pedals on guitars. That whooshing is too cool.
14. I used to keep journals all the time; now I just write stories.
15. I'm 6' 2 and three-quarters inches, but I tell people I'm 6'3" because that's easier.
16. I have extra-wide feet, so I usually wear size 13 shoes.
17. I never get insomnia.
18. I always keep my word, if I give it.
19. I love wristwatches; but I'm very hard on them, tend to break them.
20. Fall is my favorite season by far; Fall is magical to me.
21. I love sleeping on my stomach.
22. I have asthma; I think Chicago's made it worse.
23. I worry that I'm going to get cancer or Alzheimer's.
24. I've been more forgetful lately.
25. I give a lot to charity, but I keep it quiet.
26. I think I'm the best dad around; my boys love me.
27. I try to be a good dad, because my dads sucked.
28. I'm really bad at math; beyond the basics of arithmetic, I'm rotten.
29. And yet, I'm really good at remembering phone numbers.
30. And I'm bad at remembering names if I've just met someone.
31. I'm really, really good at nicknaming people.
32. But I often nickname people I don't like.
33. I wish I owned five electric guitars.
34. I also wish I could play the one I own better than I do.
35. I can make people laugh very readily.
36. But so much makes me sad; I cry easily, although I try to hide it.
37. I think I'm psychic; but not in a very useful way. I can predict things, but it's totally accidental.
38. I love people.
39. But people disappoint me a lot, too.
40. I look like the All-American Man, but I'm a total leftist.
41. I love music.
42. I almost never get lost; I have a really good sense of direction, and can read maps.
43. I think humanity will be extinct before too long, but I enjoy living, anyway.
44. Sometimes, when I walk the city, I imagine it as ruins, what it'll look like.
45. I used to collect rocks, like when I was a little boy.
46. I'm smarter than people think I am; or smarter than I think people think I am.
47. I get lonely all the time.
48. I wasted my 20s; I should've done more than I did.
49. I've never done drugs, never even smoked a cigarette.
50. I want the good things, but can't quite seem to get them.

Dead? Comatose?

Is this a dead blog? A dying blog? Should it be? It's been awhile since I posted here, hasn't it?

I've been going crazy on the eBay lately, watching things, bidding on some, etc. Tis the season and all of that. eBay is a dangerous place!

I'm way tired today; stayed up past my bedtime, alas! The parentals are in town this weekend, too. Lordy, lordy. They'll go through some culture shock as they get a Chicago winter full in the face, after being warm and content on the West Coast, in California.

Music: Radiohead, "Fake Plastic Trees"

Meme Generation

From Kristen, the Queen of Memes....

1. Yourself: Fire
2. Your spouse: Water
3. Your hair: Short
4. Your Mother: Ordinary
5. Your Father: Jerk
6. Your Favorite Item: Fender Telecaster
7. Your dream last night: Can't remember
8. Your Favorite drink: Beer
9. Your Dream Car: Tesla Roadster
10. The room you are in: Office Blah
11. Your Ex: Libra
12. Your fear: Cancer
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Successful
14. Who you hung out with last night: Family
15. What You're Not: Boring
16. Muffins: Chocolate Chip Pumpkin
17: One of Your Wish List Items: The Pink Spiders
18: Time: Not enough
19. The Last Thing You Did: Wrote
20. What You Are Wearing: Sweater (cashmere)
21. Your Favorite Weather: Cloudy
22. Your Favorite Book: Huckleberry Finn
23. The Last Thing You Ate: Turkey tacos
24. Your Life: Good
25. Your Mood: Neutral
26. Your best friend: Gone
27. What you're thinking about right now: Who my best friend could be, anymore
28. Your car: White
29. What you are doing at the moment: This meme; duh!
30. Your summer: Ocean
31. Your relationship status: Intimate
32. What is on your television: Nothing at the moment
33. What is the weather like: Overcast
34. When is the last time you laughed: 20 minutes ago

Electric

This Tesla Roadster sounds cool. I've read some blurbs on it elsewhere. High-performance electric car. Cool! But at $100 K, way out of my price range!

Wow...

Music: Billy Squier, "The Stroke"

It's been a week since I blogged here. Hope everybody had a good holiday.

Today's depressingly gray, but beauty's where you find it. It's just kinda hard to see today is all, which makes me not so much down, but numb.

I'm glad a coworker isn't here today; she's colossally nosy, always calls me "Bloggy Bloggington" if she sees me blogging. But she's quitting soon, her last day is mid-December, and I am glad for that. People wear me out sometimes.

So, no additional story acceptances appear in store for me in 2006, after the hopeful beginning of the year (although that story still hasn't made it to print, owing to laggard production schedules -- grrrr).

Sigh. I've been writing my ass off. I'm not daunted; but it is frustrating. You guys would buy a book of mine if it ever made it to print, right? Hahah!

There!

I did it! I got past the 50K mark today! Woo hoo!

Looking at their stats page, I'm the 8th Chicagoan out of 420 participating Chicagoans to have done it. Took me 12 days, my lovelies, but I'm there.

That said, the story's still got some editing and distance to go to be officially done, like by my standards of doneness, but it's all basically there. Yay!

Almost there

45,000+ words, now.

I'm nearly there. I think the story will actually go to about 60,000 words, ideally, but I'm definitely poised to reach the 50,000-word mark by today, Day 12 for me. Most definitely a record for me, speedwise. The story'll need some editing, of course, but holds together nicely, and, I think, is actually marketable. We'll see, though.

Music: Dream Theater, "The Glass Prison"

(heh; oddly apt song to be playing at the moment)

And chuggin'

35,217 words.

Winding down for today. I'm sleepy, but am eating a slice of chocolate cake I baked earlier, and, uh, lightly frosted with Nutella. I know that's the dessert equivalent of having a ham sandwich using slices of meatloaf for "bread" -- but it's too good, I can't pass it up!

A story K might appreciate: Hollywood stole my car!

They were filming a segment of "ER" in my neighborhood, and my car was apparently in one of the tow zones -- I went out and saw a trailer where my car was. I was like "Dude, where's my car?" and walked over to where it was, asked a security guy. He told me that it had been towed, was in front of the City Pound with all the other cars that had been moved for the filming. I said "Hey, which star's trailer is that?" but he wouldn't tell me, only said that they were filming for "ER" there, and it was one of the stars. Probably John Stamos, knowing my luck.

Anyway, I caught a cab and had the driver take me to the Pound. The city fees are pretty steep for that kind of thing -- $75 ticket, $150 for the tow + $10/night impound fee. As the cabbie rolled up, I saw my car, and told him to stop. He said "Hey, no ticket! You can just take it, then!" so I paid him and got out, got in my car, and drove it off the lot, then carefully parked it back in my neighborhood. This was about a half-hour after I'd first realized my car was gone.

I checked in the City Pound database, and it looks all clear -- my car wasn't registered among the impounds, so I guess they had a grace period or something on the Hollywood relocation cars, or whatever. I'd been bracing for getting shaken down, but all ended up well.

They're always shooting movies around town. I sure hope I don't have to experience that particular joy again, although it was a fun adventure.

Chuggin'

Now I'm at 30,105 words. Bless my protagonist, doing the heavy lifting for me! Character is action! I think F. Scott Fitzgerald said that at one point in his life.

More than halfway

I'm at over 26,000 words, now, on this, Day 6. That much closer to the 50,000-word deadline by month's end. I'm in a good position to get there, and the story's decent. Pretty pleased with it, actually.

I keep working on it while on the job! Shhhhh! ;)

Color Meme

A meme, because it's time...

[ RED ]

1. Closest red thing to you? Winter jacket.

2. Has anyone ever cheated on you in a relationship? Nope.

3. Last thing to make you angry? City Pound.

4. Are you a fan of romance? Definitely.

5. Have you ever been in love? Yes.

6. Do you have a temper? Yes, but very fleetingly so.

[ GREEN ]

1. Closest green thing to you? A gourd.

2. Do you care about the environment? Yes.

3. Are you jealous of anyone right now? Nope.

4. Are you a lucky person? Yes and no. Great with bad luck; not so good with good.

5. Do you always want what you can't have? There's nothing I can't have.

6. Are you Irish? About half.


[ PURPLE ]

1. Last purple thing you saw? Ribbon.

2. Like being treated to expensive things? Never happens to me; I'd probably be uncomfortable, though -- I feel like indulgence brings a kind of obligation on the recipient, and I wouldn't want the pressure.

3. Do you like mysterious things? Love'em.

4. Favorite type of chocolate? Dark.

5. Ever met anyone in royalty? Not personally; I saw Princess Diana when she came to Northwestern, years ago, but we didn't actually meet.

6. Are you creative? Very much so.

7. Are you lonely? Yes, I think I am.


[ YELLOW ]

1. Closest yellow thing to you? Sharpie Accent Liquid Highlighter.

2. The happiest time(s) of your life? I don't think it's happened, yet.

3. Favorite holiday? Halloween, for sure.

4. Are you a coward? Nope.

5. Do you burn or tan? Burn, and fast.

6. Do you want children? I've got two already! Kinda thinking a third (a girl) would be nice.

7. What makes you happy? Being alive and reasonably healthy.

[ BLUE ]

1. Closest blue thing to you? "Seaside" T-shirt I'm wearing.

2. Are you good at calming people down? I never try; I'm much better at winding people up.

3. Do you like the ocean? Love it!

4. What was the last thing that made you cry? I don't even remember.

5. Are you a logical thinker? No.

6. Can you sleep easily? Always.

7. Do you prefer the beach or the woods? The woods, I think, because though I love the ocean, I burn easily, and prefer hiking in the shade to boiling on the sand.

[ PINK ]

1. Closest pink thing to you? (looking around) Son's sippy cup.

2. Do you like sweet things? Some; I kind of prefer salty and savory to sweet, in a way.

3. Like play-fighting? Sure.

4. Are you sensitive? Very sensitive.

5. Do you like punk music? Definitely.

6. What is your favorite flower? Roses. They're cool.

7. Does someone have a crush on you? Yes.


[ ORANGE ]

1. Closest orange thing to you? Polar fleece zip-up vest of mine.

2. Do you like to burn things? Yeah; I like playing with campfires.

3. Dress up for Halloween? Definitely.

4. Are you usually a warm-hearted person? Nearly always; I've got a big, bleeding heart.

5. Do you prefer the single life or the security of a relationship? Hahah -- having beein in a relationship for 16 years, I'd say the latter!

6. What would your super power be? Invulnerability.

[ WHITE ]

1. Closest white thing to you? Stack of printer paper.

2. Would you say you're innocent? I am an innocent, yes.

3. Always try to keep the peace? No; I'm a troublemaker.

4. How do you imagine your wedding? Didn't have one, didn't want one.

5. Do you like to play in the snow? Yes! Fun.

6. Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentist? Kinda don't like either, but I go to the dentist regularly, and the doctor, semi-regularly.

7. Do you have Attention Deficit Disorder(A.D.D)? No, but I think I'm hypomanic.

[ BLACK ]

1. Closest black thing to you? Keyboard.

2. Ever enjoy hurting people? No!

3. Are you sophisticated or silly? Silly, definitely.

5. Do you have a lot of secrets? Kinda not; I'm a fairly open book, and a rotten liar, so secrets and me don't get along.

6. What is your favorite color(s)? Blue.

7. Does the color you wear affect your mood? I don't think so.

Nutella et al.

Check this out, lovelies! It's hard to find good-sized crocks of it in the States, at least in Chicagoland, but at Costco, I found two-packs of 26.5 ounces each! How awesome is that? Way, I say. I included an inkpen in the foreground for scale. The racecar's an added pictorial bonus.

So, on a whim, I'm participating in NaNoWriMo -- National Novel Writing Month. So far, so good -- 16,174 words after 72 hours (I didn't start at the beginning of the month).

I'm writing it under the username "Vae Victis" -- if you're interested in reading the story, or at least excerpts from it.

Since there's no time really for revision, the intro begins like it is a horror story, but I'm ten chapters into it, now, and it's really more of a bent literary story. I'm pretty confident that I can get it done in time, given that rate at which I'm writing. As I've mentioned before, I've written book drafts before, but never as fast as this one.

I'm eating some Wolfgang Puck's Chicken Tortilla soup and loving it. I love his soups! When fall and winter comes, I'm all about the soupage!

Woo hoo hoo!

The GOP lost! Yay! Celebration time...

Susanna Hoffs, "Feel Like Makin' Love"

A nibble that doesn't bite

Kristen said she wanted to read, and so...

===

How do the damned react to their condition? Do they mourn their fall from grace, or is that only the wishful/hateful/envious thoughts of the self-righteous? If the Damned are, by their nature, held apart from Salvation, is it not more likely that they revel in their newfound freedom, finding truest bliss in their abandonment? Once you have been thrown clear of the conventions and restrictions of piety, isn’t willful self-indulgence your only duty?

It was the logic of the Beast, if such a thing was possible, for I don’t know if the monster that sleeps inside me would admit to logic if it even knew of such things. Logic was immaterial before the stretch of limb, the turn of fang, the twitch of claw; the Beast dealt with sensation, which operated at a level far more deeply-embedded than logic. It sat comfortably in the reptilian underparts of our brains, areas that most people, if they thought of them at all, tried to ignore.
But the taste of the meat was sublime.

This was the thought that held my tongue as Janice spoke of hopes and dreams and our future together, in a steady intravenous drip of liquid conversation that I met with timely nods and endless chewing. I chewed and tasted and it was better than anything. Almost. There was something better, but I would not let myself think about it. It was the monster, tempting me.

It had been twelve days since Bob Kranowitz had been found horribly mauled outside of Cedar Glen, the gated community wherein the 45-year-old accountant lived with his wife and three daughters. Authorities blamed a wolf for his death, and traps had been set throughout the area, but they’d only caught coyotes and a drunken bum. Several renowned huntsmen had declared that they would smoke out the Beast and bring it in, because once a predator got a taste for human flesh, there was nothing else to be done. Maneater, they said. Rogue.

The steak was transcendant. I chewed it over and over, piece by glorious piece, and I tried to give myself over to it entirely, but other thoughts bubbled up, intruded.

“My doctor thinks I’ll never walk again,” Janice said. “But I think I’ll be okay. There’s nothing wrong with my spine. It’s just my legs. I know it.”

“Yes,” I said. “Doctors aren’t always right.”

“I wish I healed as fast as you,” Janice said. “You look totally better.”

“I’m still scarred from it,” I said, swallowing the steak. Janice wore a peach-colored dress. Her legs were too thin, and even her hose could not hide the scars from my eyes. The flesh was fading from her bones, despite her efforts in the pool. It would take more than a fitness baptism to restore her, and the awareness of it made me sad.

“What’s wrong?” Janice asked. “Don’t cry on my account, Brandon.”

The Beast had an instinct for weakness; it could spot it wherever it saw it, and would sneer at it. A disguised limp. A nursed wrist. A muffled cough. A shiver. The usual body language dance that played out in front of us was laid bare to the eyes of the monster; it could see the score, note for note, and know where the tune was headed, knew all the moves.

It saw Janice, too. I could see it watching, speculating, salivating.

She’s lame, it says. No hope for her.

She’ll get better, I thought, hating the Beast for its big, toothy mouth. I did not like it looking at her through my eyes. I concentrated on the plate, on cutting steak with a knife, slowly and methodically, carving out cubes of it, one by one.

Janice was precious. Her half-smile was a solace to me. She was strong. Far stronger than I was, in so many ways. Would she have lost control of the monster, if it had tainted her blood, instead? I didn’t think she would have succumbed.

Another piece went into my mouth, and Janice kept talking.

“I’m going to get better,” she said. “I’ve been reading a lot about it. Everything I can.”

I could see the desperation on the other side of her eyes, welled behind the determination like water bound behind a dam. She would not consider “what if”, because it set off a kinetic chain reaction of unfulfilled ambitions and hopelessness that would flood her spirit.

“I’ll stay with you no matter what,” I said, in defiance of the monster, and realized it was a mistake the moment it left my lips, for Janice read more words into everything that I said.

“Why wouldn’t you?” she said. “This is just a speedbump, Brandon. I’m just asking for patience, that’s all.”

“Of course,” I said. She watched me a moment before returning to her plate. The wheelchair made her look smaller than she was.

But the Beast just laughed. She’s afraid you’ll leave her. I would. She’s weak.

Shut up.

Better off putting her out of her misery.

“I just wished I healed as well as you,” she said. “You were as bad off as me, and yet there you are. It’s worse for girls.”

“Chicks dig scars,” I said, trying to make light.

“Only on guys,” she said. Janice tried to laugh, but I could see it hurt her to think of it. The Beast saw her hand flick to her legs, readjusting the napkin that sat there, a protective, futile gesture.

“You’re fine,” I said. And I meant it.

“Not much I can do about it,” she said. “Wear slacks, I suppose. One step at a time, once I can take a step, that is.”

I can fix her, the Beast says, suddenly. Just as easy as you were fixed.

I’m not fixed. I’m damaged.

Whatever. You were nothing. Now you’re something. I can make her something, too.

The monster that slept inside me always lied. Always. It could just as easily have been setting a trap for it to prey on Janice, using my compassion and my sympathy as the bait. Just one bite, maybe two, surely three, and she’ll be right as rain. Or dead.

“My mom won’t stop crying,” Janice said. “She’s worried about our wedding plans. Can you believe that? It’s not like we even talked about it, you know?”

Or equivalently damaged.

She’ll think you’re crazy if you tell her, so you can’t. You can only make it happen. She’ll thank you for it when she walks again.

I thought of wolfsbane. Great fields of it, blowing in the wind. The monster snarled, recoiled. I had a good imagination, more than the Beast did. Its senses made it vulnerable, even locked inside my heart the way it was.

You’d rather her be a cripple?

It was beyond consideration.

“But no way am I going to a wedding in this,” she thumped the wheelchair with a palm, drank some wine. Janice liked her wine, swirling the red in her glass, making me think of blood, like the kind in movies.

I’d rather her not be a monster.

You’re not the monster. I am. Remember?

Shouldn’t you be sleeping?

I’m hungry.

I’m eating.

Not nearly enough. Kranowitz didn’t stay with me. I need more.

I cut a piece of steak and stuffed it into my mouth, chewing again, savoring. It really was good, but I could tell it wasn’t enough for the monster. Its maw was built for feral feasts, not prim little dinners at candlelit tables.

Perhaps in retribution, it conjured an image of a kitchen rampage, padding in on all fours, snarling, flicking foam on the floor, taking bites out of terrified cooks, running them down as they tried to flee, slipping in their clogs, hiding in the freezer, while outside, the Big Bad Wolf waited, stalking, hearing them dialing cell phones from inside, and then, with an elastic crack of bone and sinew, the Beast growing longer and taller, paws becoming hands, grasping at the handle, giving it a tug, and then a yank, tearing the door from the hinges. And inside, the cooks screamed, and the Wolf howled and roared with laughter, diving into them, turning their kitchen whites into ragged reds with garish snaps of gaping jaws.

“What do you think, Brandon?” Janice asked.

“About what?”

Her eyes did a long-suffering roll. “About a trip out of town? Christ, you never listen.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. It wasn’t true. I did listen, when the Beast wasn’t in the way. “Where do you want to go?”

“New Hampshire,” she said. “We can just drive up.”

“This weekend?”

“Yes,” she said, exasperated. More wine vanished from her glass.

I thought about my internal calendar, tried to place it. Did it matter? Would the monster wait for the Moon? Did it even care, anymore?

“Whatever you like,” I said.

“Is that a ‘yes’?” she asked. I nodded, feeling bad for her. “Not a pity-visit, either. Something fun. I want to go hiking.”

“Hiking?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “There are easy trails. It would be nice.”

The Beast thought of deer. Dead deer. And little pigs.

Tonight

I'm wanna get high and write about werewolves.

Chocolate and butter

My older boy has discovered Butterfingers; one of his post-Halloween discoveries, after trick-or-treating. Butterfingers are good! He calls them "chocolate and butter" -- which cracks me up. "Can I have a Chocolate and Butter, Daddy?"

So, the story I was sure would get picked up got dissed in less than a week. Very annoying. I've been combing through my 2006 Novel and Short Story Writer's Market to find other venues for the story. It's sort of challenging, because it's over 8,500 words long, which is long for a short story, which diminishes the range of mags/journals I can send it to. But the story needed to be as long as it was.

Anyway, it's frustrating. But I know the story's good, and so I'll press on.

Meme Team

from Vesper's Escape, natch...

Someone knocks on your door at 2am, who do you want it to be? The Publisher's Clearinghouse Prize Patrol.

Your boss tells you he/she will give you a $20 raise if you'll do your job naked, do you stay and take the raise? Nope. I call a lawyer. Or Amy, since I want some kickass negotiation for this.

Put yourself in a nutshell. Pecans; I like'em best.

Ever see a ghost? I don't believe in ghosts, but yes.

Happy with your body? Mostly okay with it; would be nice if it was immortal.

A reason to move to Iceland. Volcanoes.

A place you've lived that you miss. A loft apartment.

A job you'd never do, no matter how much you were paid. Customer Service -- done it, and it's hell.

A band/group you thought was cool when you were 13. Def Leppard.

You have a nightmare, who's the first person you think to call? I wouldn't call anybody!

A memory from high school. Buying Heidi flowers but not telling her they were from me, because I was too shy.

Ever had a crush on a friend's parent? Lance's mom; she had it going on.

Do you look more like your mom or dad? My dad.

Something you've always wanted to learn to do. Play guitar really well.

How you'd like your life to be in 10 years. I will be almost 47 in ten years. I want to be a well-established and successful writer, living in a kickass house on a kickass beach.

Something you learned this year. That I'm nearly old.

What do you want for your birthday? A book deal.

Name 4 things you did yesterday.
Took younger son to doctor for immunizations.
Went to lunch at Dixie Kitchen.
Stopped by Home Depot for some stuff.
Took the boys trick-or-treating.

Last item you bought yourself. A book on hypomania.

What did you have for breakfast. Cheerios.

Name the last 3 songs you heard.

Black Sabbath tunes ("Hole In the Sky", "Symptom of the Universe", and "Megalomania")

How many hours of sleep do you get each night? Maybe 7.5, if I'm really lucky. Usually less. I haven't slept 8 hours since, I dunno, 1999.

What do you wish you were doing right now? Sleeping in, because I didn't have a job (because I was independently wealthy).

Who's the first person in your phone book on your cell? I have no cellphone.

Last time you witnessed a fight? Fistfight or argument? Fistfight would've been 1996 (saw some guys beating on another guy; they were all drunk. I called the cops, who came up and broke it up). Argument would be this summer -- saw a couple having a HUGE, curbside argument. Very distressing, both the woman's angry upset, and the guy's blasé dorkishness.

Name 3 places you'd like to travel to.
Hawaii
Europe
Japan

Do you know how to ice skate? Yes. Not terribly well, but I can move around.

Name something you like that's out of the ordinary. Brussels Sprouts.

Is bigger really better? Boobwise? Nah. I prefer quality to quantity.

What do you think of Brad Pitt? I don't.

Do you own anything with a skull on it? Yes. I have a clear plastic skull on my work desk, in fact; I put pennies in its eye sockets and purple Mardi Gras beads inside its skull. I call it "Skully."

Last movie you watched. The House of Flying Daggers.

Where were you when you had your first kiss? Movie theater, I guess, watching "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" -- that's the first kiss I remembered, anyway.

Last board game you played? Elvisopoly.

Leather or lace? Depends on the context, and who's wearing it. A woman in lace is sexy to me; a woman in leather, that's also sexy.

Ever had a black eye? Yes, indeed.

Have you ever worn fishnet stockings? Nope.

All Saints

Music: the Saints, "(I'm) Stranded"

Hope you all had a slammin' Halloween. Mine was good. It was nice seeing so many people out trick-or-treating. My older boy was an astronaut, and my younger boy was a martian -- they looked totally cute together. This is the first time my older boy had ever gone trick-or-treating, too, so he seemed to enjoy it. Some of the houses really had some great decorations, folks still in the spirit of Halloween. I'm glad for that. I always loved it when I was young.

A-M in the P.M.

It occurred to me that it's been way too long since I posted a picture of Ann-Margret. Glorious, just glorious! *sighs* <-- crush

What to do, do you think?

I wonder if I should upgrade to the Betablog mode for this one? Or should I stay low-tech? Hmm. I like the asterisk, so if I couldn't keep it, I wouldn't go for it, you know?

Today's a Roxy Music and Suede kind of day, I think. Something to complement and counter the everlasting gray of the day.

I've got 11 short stories out with magazines and journals. Something should click, don't you think? I'm trying to get one short story out a week.

Trainy Tuesdaze

Music: Ladytron, "Playgirl"

I'm not in a good mood today. I'm feeling kinda antisocial -- a combination of lonely and pissed off, lovelies. The real world cloys, the unreal world annoys. What's a 21st-century lonely boy supposed to do? Retreat into writing with eyes that see too much, pen scribbling words to the page, fingers dance to keyboard clacks, weaving worlds from nothingness, or at least from the dark, wet matter in between my ears. Much the same, in the end: out of sight, out of mind.

Writers are not happy people. If we were happy, we would not write. Writing is a solace, sanctuary, and shelter. Not a prison, not a punishment -- the punishment is being a writer, the loneliest profession -- the writing itself is a drug, a joy, a release. But a solitary thing, because even the intimacy of the reader, the distant visitor to your words, they bring themselves to it, meet you less than halfway, see things in the words that you never imagined. It's its own kind of magic, I know. I love when people draw meaning from text I've written that I didn't even see there. It just doesn't alleviate the loneliness of it, though -- writing is nothing until it gets published. Until that happens, it's litter of the soul, festering, piling up, pointless, communicating nothing to nobody -- like uncast incantations.

And here's the rub: I can't live without writing. I'd die if I couldn't write. And so I write. This blog is just a distraction, a little steam valve where I diddle about, now and then. My heart is on the page, in my real work, my vocation. And not even other writers can really relate to the intimacy of the page -- each has their own relationship with the word, some functional, some dysfunctional -- but singular and unique as anybody else. Their own battles to wage, wars to fight with the written page.

No comfort, no relief. Just more words. Beautiful words. I love words, the way I can weave them into beautiful shapes and textures, accessing part of my brain I don't even consciously know; I write faster than I can think. If I have to think, I know I'm in a rut, doing something wrong. The words just come. My only real friends, the only ones that understand me, that never let me down.

Loneliest profession, drowning joyfully in a sea of words. Don't wait for me; I'm going right for the bottom, not even holding my breath.

Movie of My So-Called Life (?)

From Kristen, ala Vesper's Escape...

The rules:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie.

Waking Up?
"Life Stinks" by Pere Ubu

First Day At School?
"Society" by the Subhumans (UK)

Playtime/Childhood?
"Flaming Telepaths" by Blue Oyster Cult

Falling In Love?
"Hot Toddy" by Julie London (Hmmm.)

Fight Song?
"All On Black" by Alkaline Trio (that works, actually)

Breaking Up?
"Wardance" by Killing Joke (why not?)

Prom?
"God" by Hammerbox (heh -- more fun than my senior prom, for sure)

Life's OK?
"Pyjamarama" by Roxy Music (one of my faves -- lucky!)

Mental Breakdown?
"Aloha Steve & Danno" by Radio Birdman (kinda not right, but I'm rolling with it, memewise, as with all of these)

Driving?
"Shrunken Heads" by Ghost Dance (Ehhh, not so much of a fit, there, but so what?)

Flashback?
"Salad Days" by Minor Threat (perfect!!)

Getting Back Together?
"Inside Out" by the Outpatients

Wedding?
"Where Diamonds are Halos" by Sugar (I love that song; that would make for a rockin' wedding)

Birth of Child?
"That's the Way" by Led Zeppelin (aww, that's nice!)

Final Battle?
"When I Win the Lottery" by Camper Van Beethoven (hahah -- kinda right)

Death Scene?
"Lexicon Devil" by the Germs (hahah -- also kinda right)

Funeral Song?
"Softness" by Dorothy (hahah -- groovy funeral; everybody'd be dancing, lovelies -- I'd put the FUN in funeral!)

End Credits?
"Recollections" by the Proletariat (Cool! I like it! Perfect for the credits!)

Well, that was sure random. Hopefully lovelies know some of these songs! Otherwise, if you want the soundtrack of my life, circa 2006, I'll burn it for you and send it!

I don't know

Ever wonder what would happen if you only talked to the real-world people you actually liked, and didn't talk to the ones you didn't like? I think about that sometimes. Not like I need to talk to people in my normal workday so much -- that's one of the benefits (?) of editorial work -- but even then, if I curtailed it to the people I actually liked, I'd talk to maybe three people on my job. That's out of something like ~330 people in our building. Does that make me antisocial, or just picky? It's kind of like why talk to people you don't like, if you don't have to?

Just something that occurred to me today, while talking to somebody I didn't particularly like.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I made a chocolate bundt cake tonight, and, once again, used some Nutella as the frosting. It's so wickedly good, poppets.

Today found me trying to write and handling chores, taking many pix of the boys. Here's one of my faves from this morning...

We were both laughing. The light's so orange and red because the morning sun was shining through.

Friday the 13th

Music: Sweet, "Solid Gold Brass"

Happy Friday the 13th! Woo hoo! Here's a meme I yoinked from Kristen, b/c she always has the best memes, and I'm all about the meme-age...

1. Would you get back with your last ex if you could?
Nah. She was nice, but we just weren't right for each other.

2. What color shirt are you wearing?
Light blue with patterns.

3. How many people have you REALLY kissed on your top friends list?
Huh? If MySpace, then none. I'd kiss four if I were able, and one if I could only choose one. They probably know who they are.

4. Do you have a 'thing' for someone on your friends list?
I don't have a proper friends list; my friends know who they are. If we're talking MySpace, then nobody.

5. How many people on your top friends list do you know in real life?
None! I had the chance to meet one, but passed because I got shy. I sometimes think I should meet Ames, but I'm so shy (though outgoing, too -- odd mix, eh?)

6. How many kids do you want to have?
I've got two boys. A girl would be nice, but I think two boys'll be it. They're wonderful.

7. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Kinda not so good, in a way. My folks make me sad. They're not good people -- not evil, but like not good.

8. What name would you want besides the one you have?
Knight.

9. Would you ever make out with someone?
What do you mean, "would"?? Have, would, will -- hell, yeah.

10. What did you do for your last birthday?
I can't even remember. How sad is that? My birthdays usually suck.

11. What's your main ringtone on your phone?
I assume this is s'posed to be cellphone-related? I haven't got a cellphone.

12. What time did you wake up today?
5:00 a.m. No alarm clock, either. I just wake up.

13. What were you doing Thursday evening?
Writing.

14. Do you like having your hair pulled?
Nope. My stepdad used to do that in lieu of spanking if people were bad. I thought it was psycho then, and still do. I used to have nightmares of him swinging me over his head by my hair!

15. Name something you can't wait to do.
Be a bestselling novelist.

16. Last time you saw your mom.
Last winter.

17. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
Hmmm. I'd want to look like Jude Law. That'd be cool (except keep my hair, because I have better hair).

18. If you had $250,000, what would you do with it?
Invest most of it, buy my five favorite electric guitars and a 600-watt amp.

19. how long have you worked at your current job?
Over six years. I'm definitely looking to move on in the worst way.

20. Have you ever talked to Tom?
Yes. One of my oldest buddies. He's in Cambodia now, eating fried spiders. He's a good guy.

21.Describe the underwear you have on?
Blue plaid. Cotton. Comfy. Boxers.

22. Last thing you ate?
Chocolate-covered raisins.

23. What's your favorite month?
October, because it has Halloween, and I LOVE Halloween.

24. Your least favorite month?
March. It goes on forever.

25. What's the last piece of clothing someone borrowed from you?
Sweatshirt. Spouse always borrows my Northwestern University sweatshirt. She's always taking it. I didn't go to NU, btw -- I just worked there in the 90s, and coworkers got one for me as a going-away present.

26. Who is getting on your nerves right now?
The Republican Party, and the people who vote for them and support them even as they rape our country and pillage the future of it.

27. Most visited webpage?
Google. YouTube. Salon. Probably a three-way tie, there.

28. Last person you text messaged?
I don't text-message. No cellphone. I'm old-school, my dears.

29. Last person to make you sad?
My Muse. She's so great.

30. Would you take a bullet for your best friend?
I'd take a bullet for anybody who needed it, if they were a good person.

31. Favorite kind of drink?
Cold.

32. Favorite food?
Pizza.

33. Favorite dessert?
Cake.

34. Have you been to Europe?
No, I haven't. I'd like to, someday.

35. If someone you hated died, what would you do?
I don't hate anybody. Life's too short to be wasted on hate.

Whackolantern

Howdy, lovelies

I don't know if anybody still bothers reading this! I haven't been very entertaining of late, and for that, I'm sorry!

I've been watching some of the baseball postseason; almost despite myself, I'm kind of rooting for the Detroit Tigers in the AL, and the NY Mets in the NL pennant races. They're both underdog teams.

Not feeling 100%, which kinda sucks.

What also sucks is that they split the finale to Project Runway into two parts, and I have to wait yet another week for the actual finale. Bastards!

I've resisted the urge to upgrade this blog to the Betablog option. It has nice features, but it's more glitzy than this one deserves.

Working on a new short story, kinda excited about it. I hope I can make it work the way I want.

Carved a jack o' lantern for my older son -- was about the hardest-to-carve pumpkin I've ever encountered. I dunno what its problem was, but it put up a mighty fight. Maybe I'll photograph it. My older boy is all excited about Halloween's approach -- we're going to have him be an astronaut, and my younger son can be an alien. They'll look cute together, as they always do.

My younger boy is free-standing, now -- every time he does, he applauds, which is adorable to see. Big grin and clapping, very happy. He's quite the climber, too.

Supposedly there's a chance of flurries tomorrow. Flurries?!? Wha??

Deconstructing Potter

From SLATE, an amusing takedown of Harry Potter.

Sleep Debt

Insufficient sleep over the past several days. Stop.

Older child battling cold. Stop.

Younger child teething. Stop.

Don't know how much longer I can go without decent sleep. Stop.

Sleep is for suckers, lovelies! Stop.

No, it's not. Stop.

I'm frickin' tired. Stop.

Talk to you soon. Stop.

Puddin'head Jones

I had my own chain of bad luck recently, revolving around an American Express card...

1) Post Office failed to deliver a credit card statement (that's the second time that's happened -- not for that card, but another one, along with car insurance -- gotta love the USPS in Chicagoland);

2) Wifey had recently rung up a big bill on the missing American Express card (I only use it when we go to Costco);

3) Though we share an account, our cards have slightly different numbers, which is kind of a safeguard, I guess, but adds to confusion, namely;

4) While checking the balance, she paid it over the phone, and asked me to check the balance on my card, to be sure we were squared with Amex -- so, I checked, and the numbers didn't balance, which freaked Wifey out (and, by extension, me);

5) I took my card out of my wallet and kept it in a basket on our kitchen counter, to deal with later, to reconcile the account;

6) Turned out that everything was fine -- there was just lag-time between their online record and the phone record;

7) When I went to put my card back in my wallet, I found it GONE -- I had to leave home without it;

8) I've looked everywhere, and can't find the damned card -- my operating theory is that my older son might've seen it in the basket and snatched it to play with or something. When I asked him about it, he said he hadn't seen it -- I combed through his room and through our apartment, but no dice;

9) So, because of the initial confusion caused by the USPS's failure to deliver our statement, I managed to actually lose my Amex card -- I have no clue where it is!

I'm going to call them this weekend, have them send me a replacement card -- hopefully that won't cause still more confusion. Grrrr.

Confession

Lovelies: I made a chocolate cake, and, finding no frosting in the cupboard, I used Nutella instead. It was really good! Just a thin layer of it. Yummers. I'd do it again!

Music: the Libertines, "Arbeit Macht Frei"

Wow.

Chicago was deluged yesterday -- serious autumn storms bashed the hell out of the city, uprooted (or broke) tons of trees of all sizes, flooded viaducts, etc. Really something else. In the 90s, it rarely got this bad, stormwise. I wish I'd thought to bring my digital camera to capture some of the shots I saw. As always, I neglect to bring it when I should. Whoopsie!

So, I finished the book I was working on, and now it's revision time, which doesn't take as long (five months) as it did to write the book. The hard part, of course, is getting an agent interested in it, natch. I'm just glad to be done with it, free to write some shorter stuff again. That's the joy of writing -- more writing! Hahah! :)

Music: Hüsker Dü, "Sheena is a Punk Rocker"

Artsy

Music: Dust, "Walk in the Soft Rain"

Hey, lovelies (I've taken to your usage of that -- seems nicer than "bloggies" or the equivalent)! Among other things, I've been playing around with hand-coloring black and white pictures. Very low-tech, but yields good results more often than not. I may do that with some of your portraits, ones that I really like.

Invariably, as fall approaches (my favorite season, even though it works over my allergies), I get the urge to do more art -- probably manifested by the inability to go outside and play! Anyway, I want to fill the apartment's white walls with creations. If anything looks good, I'll photograph it and post it for your viewing pleasure, my friends!

I'm partial to conceptual art -- I keep notebooks where I jot ideas down, things I'd like to make, but lack the discretionary income to create. Always a frustration, although lately I've thought about making them using other materials, simpler, cheaper things, and still hopefully honoring the original idea. That way, it's not just stuck on paper (or in my head), and it lets me try the idea out almost as a model of the actual piece I have in mind.

In other news, I sent out five stories this week to various publications; fingers crossed! We'll see. If anything wonderful happens, you'll be the first to know!

Have a good weekend, lovelies! Oh, and here's a fun toy, getting you ready for winter...

Line Rider

Enjoy!

Big boy

My older son (and me, in the mirror). He's looking very serious.

Yes and No

I took this from Amy...

ARE YOU:

1. A Cuddler?
Yes. I'm a hugger, too -- I love hugs, including getting them.

2. A morning person?
Yes. I'm also a night person. You figure it out.

3. Are you a perfectionist?
Definitely not -- inspired improviser, that's me! Always a tactician, never a strategist!

4. An only child?
Yes and no. I have no biological siblings; I have two older stepsisters, but they're 6+ years older than me. So, kind of both an only and also not. It gets lonely sometimes; I wish I had a blood sibling.

5. Catholic:
No, although I've been to plenty of Catholic masses.

6. In your pajamas?
Nope.

7. Currently suffering from a broken heart?
Maybe halfway broken; like a crack without a complete split.

8. Okay styling other people's hair?
Baahah. Not.

9. Left handed?
Yes.

10. Addicted to MySpace?
No. MySpace is really boring.

11. Shy around the opposite gender?
It depends if I am attracted to them or not. If yes, then yes; if no, then no problem.

12. Loud?
Yeah; I try not to be, but years of rock music probably didn't do my ears much justice.

DO YOU:

12. Bite your nails?
Nope.

13. Get paranoid at times?
Always; I remember a quote that stuck with me, saying that anybody living in the USA who wasn't paranoid must be crazy! Nowadays, more so than ever!

14. Currently regret something that you have said/done?
Not in recent memory; I can rationalize almost anything away, although I feel guilty for almost everything I do.

15. Curse frequently when you get mad?
I've been cursing steadily and reliably since 1979, when I was at summer camp, and reasoned (to my fellow tentmates) that since our folks weren't around, we could swear with impunity; so we all began doing it.

16. Enjoy country music?
Only old Country music.

17. Enjoy jazz music?
Some. Like Miles Davis's "Kind of Blue" -- and only in certain moods. I respect Jazz, even though I'm much more of a Rocker at heart.

18. Enjoy smoothies?
Yes. Jamba Juice rocks.

19. Enjoy talking on the phone?
I'd rather be in person.

20. Have a lot to learn?
I dunno; if I'm ignorant of things, then I'm ignorant of them, and am not aware of needing to learn them, eh? A very American condition.

21. Have a pet?
Two old cats.

22. Have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" person?
Not a chance; I'm too picky.

23. Have all your grandparents died?
Yes; they're all gone, now. Last one died on Labor Day. He was 100 years old.

24. Have at least one sibling?
Still no blood siblings, you tool.

25. Have been told that you are smart?
Yeah, they have. I've also been told I'm smart-assed, so there you go.

26. Have had a broken bone?
I think I broke my left middle finger, but never got it set or anything, because the damage was right at the joint.

27. Have Caller I.D. on your phone?
Yes.

HAVE YOU:

28. Changed a diaper?
Of course. Many, many diapers.

29. Changed alot over the past year?
God, yes.

30. Had friends who have never seen your natural hair color?
Hahah -- such a girlie question, there. My hair's always natural.

31. Had surgery?
Three times.

32. Killed anyone?
Nope.

33. Had your haircut within the last week?
Yes.

LAST PERSON WHO:

1. Slept in the bed beside you?
Wife.

2. Saw you cry?
Wife.

3. Went to the movies with you?
Coworkers.

4. You went to the mall with?
Wife.

5. You went to dinner with?
Wife.

6. You talked to on the phone?
Wife.

7. Said 'I love you' to you and meant it?
Wife and sons.

8. Broke your heart?
Muse.

9. Made you laugh?
My sons; they crack me up. That picture I posted of Mister Strawberry Face cracks me up.

WOULD YOU RATHER?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
Nope.

2. Be serious or be funny?
I am funny and serious; best of both worlds!

3. Drink whole or skim milk?
Soy milk. I hate real milk; it grosses me out.

4. Die in a fire or drown?
Christ, what a nasty question. I'll say "fire" if it means I can fly into the Sun. That might be interesting.

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?
Parents, I guess. I have few enemies worth associating with.

ABOUT YOU!

1. What time is it?
2:45 p.m. CST

2. Name?
Dave.

3. Nickname(s)?
Davis. Davey. Dude (people tend to call me "Dude" or "the Dude" and it sticks).

4. Where were you born?
St. Louis, Missouri

5. What is your birthdate?
April 16, 1970

6. What do you want?
Early retirement based on my bestselling fiction, which has given me fame and fortune and a kickass Asian-themed minimalist place by the ocean on a glorious beach, perhaps in Hawaii.

7. Where do you want to live?
Anyplace is good, so long as I can do what I like.

8. How many kids do you want?
Two boys is what I have. Kinda wish I had a daughter, but can't imagine a third kid, frankly.

Pretty day

Lovely Sunday, my lovelies. Mild temperatures, mostly sunny sky, no rain, at long last; made up for yesterday's dismalness. I was trying to take some pictures, but nothing jumped out at me as being worth sharing, so you're left with my words.

I'm feeding diced strawberries to my secondborn, who's gobbling them down with the relish he applies to all edible things. He's humming as he eats, and is pretty darned happy. Here he is...

Cryptic sign

What do you think it means, my lovelies? Any guesses?

Healthcareless

Man, this is both an embarrassment and an outrage -- Just a sign of how ill-served our country is by for-profit healthcare, how the insurance industry has made a killing (literally) in the process. Outrageous.

U.S. Health-Care System Gets a "D"
By Catherine Arnst
Thu Sep 21, 3:08 AM ET

The U.S. health-care system is doing poorly by virtually every measure. That's the conclusion of a national report card on the U.S. health-care system, released Sept. 20. Although there are pockets of excellence, the report, commissioned by the non-profit and non-partisan Commonwealth Fund, gave the U.S. system low grades on outcomes, quality of care, access to care, and efficiency, compared to other industrialized nations or generally accepted standards of care. Bottom line: U.S. health care barely passes with an overall grade of 66 out of 100.

The survey was carried out by 18 academic and private-sector health-care leaders, who rate the system on 37 different measures. The poor grade is particularly discomfiting, the researchers note, because the U.S. spends more on medicine, by far, than any other country. Approximately 16% of the nation's gross domestic product (GDP) is devoted to health care, compared with 10% or less in other industrialized nations.

Health care is also responsible for most new job creation, according to BusinessWeek's Sept. 25 cover story (see BusinessWeek.com, 9/25/06, "What's Really Propping Up The Economy"). Yet the U.S. ranks 15th out of 19 countries in terms of the number of deaths that could have been prevented. The study estimates that each year 115 out of 100,000 U.S. deaths could have been avoided with timely and appropriate medical attention. Only Ireland, Britain, and Portugal scored worse in this category, while France scored the best, with 75 preventable deaths per 100,000.

Below Potential. The U.S. ranks at the bottom among industrialized countries for life expectancy both at birth and at age 60. It is also last on infant mortality, with 7 deaths per 1,000 live births, compared with 2.7 in the top three countries. There are dramatic gaps within the U.S. as well, according to the study. The average disability rate for all Americans is 25% worse than the rate for the best five states alone, as is the rate of children missing 11 or more days of school.

The report found that quality of care and access to care varied widely across the country, and it noted substantial gaps between national averages and pockets of excellence. The authors concluded that, if the U.S. improved and standardized health-care performance and access, approximately 100,000 to 150,000 lives could be saved annually, along with $50 billion to $100 billion a year.

The Commonwealth Fund, which studies health-care issues, commissioned the report last year as part of an effort to come up with solutions to the nation's troubled health-care system. The report "tells us that overall we are performing far below our national potential," says Dr. James J. Mongan, chairman of the team that pulled together the study and chief executive officer of Partners Healthcare in Boston. "We can do much better and we need to do much better," he says.

Among the reports' findings:

--Only 49% of U.S. adults receive the recommended preventive and screening tests for their age and sex.

--Only half of patients with congestive heart failure receive written discharge instructions regarding care following hospitalization.

--Nationwide, preventable hospital admissions for patients with chronic health conditions such as diabetes and asthma were twice as high as the level achieved by the best performing states.

--Hospital 30-day re-admission rates for Medicare patients ranged from 14% to 22% across regions.

--One-third of all adults under 65 have problems paying their medical bills or have medical debt they are paying over time.

--Only 17% of U.S. doctors use electronic medical records, compared with 80% in the top three countries.

--On multiple measures across quality of care and access to care, there is a wide gap between low income and the uninsured, and those with higher incomes and insurance. On average, measures for low income and uninsured people in these areas would have to improve by one-third to close the gap.

--As a share of total health expenditures, insurance administrative costs in the U.S. were more than three times the rate in countries with integrated payment systems.

Yawn

Music: Iggy Pop, "Candy"

Morning, bloggins! Hope you're all doing well. I watched part one of the Andy Warhold documentary last night on WTTW. It was interesting, although I had two complaints: 1) the ongoing minor-key piano that accompanied most of it, lending this oddly tragic air to the whole enterprise; and 2) the monotone, staccato delivery of the female narrator -- "Everything. She said. Had this. Urgent air. About it."

But otherwise, I really enjoyed it. I love anything about artists, their real lives, how it intersected with their art, how they go from obscurity to fame and immortality. Interesting stuff.

Man, I wish I had a studio. If I ever made good money, I'd definitely have a floor in a building that was pure studio, where I could do sculpture and paint. Our little apartment's too small for anything too fun.

Cloud Mountains

This morning, the clouds looked really cool, like mountains over the lake, obscuring the horizon. The picture doesn't quite do it justice, but it was really neat looking.

60 Questions

Mememememememe...

1) Do you talk in your sleep? Sometimes. I'm far more likely to laugh in my sleep than talk.

2) Ocean or pool? Ocean. I love the ocean.

3) What song is on your iPod right now? The Zombies, "Whenever You're Ready." I love that song.

4) Current crush? She knows who she is.

5) What's your favorite color(s)? Blue. Also, kelly green. And burgundy.

6) Window seat or aisle seat? Window. I like to see.

7) Ever met anyone famous? Actually met them? Not that I can remember. I talked with Noam Chomsky by e-mail a few times.

8) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? Not remotely.

9) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl, of course.

10) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? Neither. Gimme a break.

11) Baseball or Football? Baseball.

12) How long do your showers last? Ten minutes, almost without exception or effort on my part.

13) Do you know how to drive a stick? Yes. It's fun.

14) Cake or ice cream? Cake, if forced to choose. Cake rules.

15) Are you self-conscious? Sure. What's the alternative, being self-unconscious? Or conscious of others?

16) Have you ever given money to a bum? Why, yes. I've given them food, too.

17) Have you been in love? Three times. First time, I didn't know any better; second time, I just knew it; third time, I should have known better, but didn't.

19) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No, I haven't.

20) Can you tango? No, but I can fake it admirably. I'm a good dancer.

21) Last gift you received? A CD, probably. Suede's "Coming Up."

22) Last sport you played? Flew a kite over the ocean; does that count as a sport?

23) What would you like to spend a lot of time doing? Writing. Always writing. I could write all day if I didn't have to worry about money.

24) Last wedding attended? It's been a number of years; it was in Wisconsin, where I watched a guy make the worst mistake of his life, but sure couldn't tell him.

25) Favorite FAST food restaurant? Subway.

26) Most hated food? Jello.

27) Can you sing? Yes. And I can harmonize, too.

28) Last person that called you? My mom. She's about the only person who still phones; very old-school!

29) What're your least favorite chores? Having a full-time job; I don't mind chore-chores like dishwashing, that kind of stuff.

30) Favorite drink? Mai Tai, when I stop to think about it.

31) Are your parents married or divorced? They divorced when I was five.

32) Are you a vegetarian? Not so much; more like opportunistic carnivore, or general omnivore. I mostly get my protein from soy, but if you put a pork chop in front of me, I'll eat it. However, I don't eat beef -- I stopped eating beef when I was 19, when I read that guys could halve their risk of heart disease by cutting beef from their diet, and you know what: it's true! My heart is in great shape, my blood pressure, tip-top!

33) Do you believe in Heaven? God, no.

34) Favorite Show? Project Runway. Designers amaze me.

35) What jewelry do you wear? A necklace with a shark's tooth on it. A wedding ring.

36) Are you eating? Not right now.

37) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Yeah, because I abhore wasted, but I don't like'em. I like to get broccoli that's florets only. As a kid, I called that the "Brock" and the stems were the "Lee."

38) Do you keep commitments? If I make them, sure. I'm loathe to make commitments, but once made, my word is good.

39) Can you dance? Yes.

40) Would you ever have plastic surgery? I turned down the chance for a nose job when I was 17 (got a deviated septum operation, and they offered a nose job as well; I said "I was born with my nose; I'm going to keep it").

41) What do you wear to bed? Nothing. If it's winter, a t-shirt.

42) Have you ever done anything illegal? Yes, but nothing serious.

43) Can you roll your tongue? Yes, in a rare way -- I can make both side of it curl inward, making my tongue look kind of like a shamrock.

44) What kind of shoes are you wearing? I'm wearing tan chukka boots. They look sharp.

45) What is your hair color? Ash blonde.

46) Future child's name? I have two boys; they're already named. If you'd like to know their names, I'll e-mail you them.

47) Do you snore? Curiously, only when I'm coming down with a cold.

48) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Europe. I'd spend a year there if I could, just taking my time, taking it in.

49) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Hell, no. Women who do that kind of weird me out.

50) If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Quit my job.

51) Gold or silver? Silver. I like silver better, can't quite relate to gold.

52) If you could meet anybody in history, who would it be? Jesus. Why not?

53) City, beach or country? Beach. City. Country.

54) What was the last thing you touched? Besides keyboard? Bag of Sun Chips.

55) Where did you eat out last? Nookies. They make great food. Try'em sometime, but do it after the morning rush, when all the weekenders are having their morning-after breakfasts.

56) When's the last time you cried? Like a real cry, not just some tears? Months ago.

57) Do you read blogs? Sometimes, if I like the people.

58) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Oh, already did that -- my older stepsisters dressed me up as an old lady for Halloween when I was like 10 or something. They put me in actual old lady clothes with panty hose and makeup and a wig and an old hat and pearls and granny glasses. They were very thorough.

59) Ever been involved with the police? Yes, but never my fault -- just as a spectator. Although one time a cop picked me up to take me to court because I'd witnessed him taking down a shoplifter at a department store I worked at, and he wanted me as a potential witness, but it turned out the shoplifter didn't show up at court, so I wasn't needed.

60) Do you have pets? Two cats: Newt and Jinx. They're old, too -- we got them back in 1992.

Ad Hoc Pond, Redux

A picture of it; not as great as what I saw the other day, but what can you do? The other day, the sun shined on it, and there were tons of birds in it. I did like the flooded park bench, however.

Oh, yeah...

I just gave my Firefox skin a Halloween theme. I love Halloween; I know we're a ways from it, but it's too cool! Every day is Halloween!! It looks neat, makes me want to change the color scheme for this blog, make it all Halloweenish and dark. We'll see if I'm that industrious or not! ;)

Medicine Man's Best Friend?

I saw this at Celticfest. Cool statue!

Beautiful sky

The sunrise is almost upon us, turning cloudsd crimson, now pink, soon orange and melon. Beautiful.

Ate a slice of chocolate cake for breakfast. Yum.

I watched "The Gangs of New York" on DVD yesterday, and am always impressed at Day-Lewis's performance as Bill "The Butcher" Cutting. He owns that movie, outacts everybody in it with his gleeful menace. Great actor.

Today: Celticfest, in Grant Park. My younger boy looks like a little leprechaun, anyway, with his red hair. Too perfect. I went to the first Celticfest they had in Chicago, ten years ago, now, amazingly enough. It's gotten so much bigger over the years. Maybe I'll remember my camera, take some pix, even! ;)

Ad hoc duck pond

Music: Alice Cooper, "Ballad of Dwight Fry"

I saw something wonderful this morning, had to jot it down -- in a park in Chicago, an area where, somehow, a heavy rainfall had left a great pool of water in what had been lawn before, creating a great pond of significant size. It's probably one or two hundred feet in diameter (??) and it was occupied by seagulls, ducks, and Canada geese. I wanted to snap a photo of it, but didn't have my camera handy. The way the water caught the light and reflections of the city, the avian congress holding court in peace. It's neat, looked like something Amy would've captured in a picture.

I'll try to remember next week, in hopes that the pond is still there. We'll see.

Ho-Humming

Music: Nova Mob, "The Last Days of Pompeii"

I have the blues today. Bleah. I'm sick to death of my coworkers, of my current job, I just wear my headphones and listen to music while I edit. I sent my resumé this morning to a place, beginning that whole process. We'll see if anybody's interested.

Totally unrelated, but I got my first rejection from a literary agency! Woo hoo! I figured I needed to move beyond merely collecting rejections from editors of publications, and toward long fiction (actually, a short story collection, in this case).

more later...

What the Hell?

Music: the Stooges, "Raw Power"

How the hell can it only be 1:45 in the afternoon?? The day is dragging, my bloggies! Rainy, chilly kind of day, and slow at work, too, because of server woes. Hmph.

When they ordered us workspace calendars, I ironically picked one with inspirational messages on it. Last month it was "Teamwork" and it said "Working as a team player means winning as a team."

I noticed that the inspirational messages always have words highlighted, I guess so the suits can have quick takeaways: "Working. Means. Team. Got it."

The month before, it was "Success" -- "Success is selecting the right course and sticking to it." Again, "Success. Course. Sticking. Got it."

This month, it's "Inspiration" and it says "Inspiration is the source of creativity." Inspiration. Source. Creativity. Got it.

Hahaha! I love mocking that kind of stuff. Most policy in our country is framed in three-word phrases: War on Terror. Just Say No. No New Taxes. Us or Them.

Got it.

Memelicious

A meme by way of Vesper, the Queen of Memes...


How do you like your eggs? Scrambled or poached.

How do you take your coffee/tea? I drink neither coffee nor tea.

Favorite breakfast foods? Cold pizza or fried chicken.

Peanut butter? Smooth. I also really like Nutella.

What kind of dressing on your salad? Vinegar and oil.

Coke or Pepsi? I don't drink soda so much, but if I had to choose, Pepsi.

You're feeling lazy. What do you make? Toast with butter.

You're feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? Mushroom.

You feel like cooking. What do you make? Potato gnocchi with one of my homemade marinara sauces.

Do any foods bring back good memories? Most definitely; I have a fond memory of Carnation Instant Breakfast Squares (they don't make'em anymore -- at least not the ones I remembered from childhood in the 70s -- they were like little chocolate cakes with their own special taste). They remind me of safety and niceness -- I still remember their taste and smell.

Do any foods bring back bad memories? Bean soup. My mom would make it from scratch, but I never liked her recipe for it, and we'd eat it all the time, and I hated it. I like most bean soups, but anything that makes me think of that, ick. Scalloped potatoes trigger that kind of vibe, too.

Do any foods remind you of someone? Grilled cheese makes me think of my stepdad; he made the best grilled cheese sandwiches.

Is there a food you refuse to eat? Anything that is frothy or jiggly -- like jello, whipped cream, souffle, aspic, etc. I like to chew my food.

What was your favorite food as a child? Chicken with rice cooked with cream of mushroom soup. Tuna casserole.

Is there a food that you hated as a child but now love? Tomatoes.

Is there a food that you loved as a child but now hate? I can't think of any.

Favorite fruit & vegetable: fruit -- peaches. vegetable -- Brussels sprouts.

Favorite junk food: Cake.

Favorite between meal snack: Anything I can find that's tasty.

Do you have any weird food habits? Only the consistency issue I mentioned above, but I don't think it's weird.

You're on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? Air-popped popcorn.

You're off your diet. Now what would you like? An ostrich cheeseburger. Ostrich tastes really good. It's the other red meat.

How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? Lightly; I used to really love hot stuff, but have mellowed with age.

Can I get you a drink? Gin and tonic, thanks.

May I get you a drink? You're still here?? Gin and tonic, motherfucker.

Red wine or white? Better red than dead.

We only have beer: That's good. Get me a decent lager or a brown ale.

Favorite dessert? Mint chocolate chip ice cream.

The perfect nightcap? A mint julep.

Guess what?

I'm back! Woo hoo! Great weather, great waves, great beach, fun times. I really need to become a multimillionaire.

Sea and Sand

I'm out all next week, my friends, but will be back afterward. Going to the ocean, to splash in the waves and play in the sand with my family.

I'll miss you, but hopefully I'll have fun(ny) stories to share, and will have a finished first draft of a novel under my arm. I'm not entirely satisfied with the draft I have, so even finishing that is a small consolation, because I already know I've got rewrites to do, but still, it'll be something I can pitch to an agent in a query.

Happy end of August to you, talk to you in September!

Whoa.

Music: the Specials, "Concrete Jungle"

I set my iTunes to play songs in order of last played, and I inverted it so it'd play ones I haven't played for awhile, which is kind of fun, in that some songs I'd forgotten that I'd added are suddenly appearing.

Our server's being all slow right now, so I'm waiting for work to go through it, hence me being here, jotting a sliver of an entry.

I passed the 40K mark on the story I've been working on all summer. I'm taking a week off in Florida next week, and plan to finish the book then. First draft, mind you -- I'm fussy about revision. The story's not quite where I want it to be -- I liken first drafts to a first wash of paint on a picture. I'll be glad when I'm done with it, because I've got a lot of short stories I want to get to. I hope to get this longer piece queried to agents by mid-autumn.

What else? Nothing jumps right to mind.

Music: Sluts of Trust, "Let's..."

Threepeat

Taken from Vesper's site...

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 -- death
02 -- insanity
03 -- oblivion

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 -- my older son
02 -- Richard Pryor
03 -- Charlotte

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 -- music
02 -- writing
03 -- performing

THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 -- fascism
02 -- ignorance
03 -- hypocrisy

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 -- tiny Zen rock garden
02 -- rubber devil ducky
03 -- a spinning top

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 -- listening to "The End of the World" by the Cure
02 -- slouching in my office chair
03 -- worrying over a hangnail

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 -- discover the secret of immortality
02 -- enjoy great success and fame as a writer
03 -- raise wonderful, happy children

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 -- extroverted
02 -- sarcastic
03 -- exuberant

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 -- me
02 -- good music
03 -- rain

THREE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 -- pork tenderloin
02 -- thin-crust pizza
03 -- chocolate-covered pretzels

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 -- guitar (for real, versus how I've played over the years)
02 -- another language
03 -- acting

THREE BEVERAGES I DRINK REGULARLY:
01 -- water
02 -- beer
03 -- diet soda

THREE SHOWS I WATCHED WHEN I WAS A KID:
01 -- Star Trek
02 -- Friday Night Videos
03 -- Tales from the Darkside

Meme

Amy had this as a meme, and I'm a sucker for memes...

First

• First job: Golf Caddy.
• First screen name: JakDeth@aol.com -- after the protagonist in "Trancers."
• First funeral: Never been to one, as far as I can remember.
• First pet: A toad. Never named it -- it died the night after I'd caught it and put it in a terrarium; this would've been about 1975.
• First piercing: No piercings.
• First tattoo: No tattoos, either.
• First credit card: Visa; early 20s.
• First kiss: Like for real, like making out? Or just a cutesie kiss? The latter would've been in elementary school; the former, 8th grade.
• First enemy: Tommy. Smaller than me, but a bully, meaner than spit. First in a long line of bullies!

Last

• Last car ride: Saturday, going to Costco.
• Last kiss: This morning.
• Last movie watched: Goodfellas.
• Last beverage drank: Water.
• Last food consumed: Two chocolate chip cookies.
• Last phone call: Talked to my mom yesterday.
• Last time showered: Around 6:15 a.m. today.
• Last CD played: Green Carnation, "Light of Day, Day of Darkness"
• Last website visited: Amy's Drowing*In*Ink

Now

• Single or taken: Taken!
• Gender: Dude
• Birthday: 16 April 1970
• Sign: Aries
• Siblings: No full-blood siblings; I'm a "miracle child" as my mom put it, unlikely to have been conceived, really. Long story. I have two older stepsisters and (by way of my biofather, two younger half-sisters).
• Hair color: Dark blond, somewhere between bronze and lightly burnt caramel.
• Eye color: Blue
• Shoe size: 12.5 extra-wide.
• Height: 6'3"
• Wearing: Burgundy patterned Geoffrey Beene button-down shirt, charcoal gray slacks, black shoes, white v-neck t-shirt, blue plaid boxers, slate gray socks
• Drinking: Water.
• Thinking about: Vacation.
• Listening to: Green Carnation (it's an hour-long song!)